In the beginning

You acted like you were interested so being me I thought that this couldn’t happen to me again and fell for you way too quickly. But then you turned a cold shoulder and I asked why, you replied “life called and told me to fuck you over because you don’t deserve to be happy.” Of course here I am, back on this roller coaster that never let’s me off even when I’m pleading for my life. I really shouldn’t expect anything else. Ever.

I’ve always been there for everyone else

And along the way I lost the confidence that I deserve the same happiness I was helping other people achieve. I guess after being unhappy for so long it just became a normality for bad things to happen to me and for me to just think “well ok I deserve that”. Well now I’ve finally come to realization that I need and deserve some happiness and normality in my life but at the same point I’m scared to leave my hole where I’m constantly being crushed because that’s all I’ve known for years. So what happens if I haul myself out of that hole just to be pushed right back down into it? Is this the life I will always lead? But I have tasted happiness in the past few weeks and breathed in what it would be like for someone else to take care of me and I can’t stop. I’m a bee to a flower and I want to chase that feeling to the end of the world and never come back. So wish me luck, I’m gonna need some help out of the hole

#college #exactly

#college #exactly

(via icantforgetthosememories)

Preach

venula:

My last hope for you
is that you discover a 
love that carries within
it the ability to make 
you question why you
ever thought that what
you felt for me was true
love. I pray you find a
love that makes you
crave another, like I
once craved you.

I’m slipping and sliding
I’m seeing the signs and I know the lead is coming, settling back into its previous crevices ready to make its trip back down into the darkness with me.
I know what I should be doing but I’m relieve to be back into this familiar place, I knew I could never be cured with all the same triggers around me. Who was I kidding?